Wazzup Tropapeepz?

I ‘ope everythin’s fine wit ya’ll.

We’ve lost contact for some time now. Many things have changed since then but surprisingly, more things haven’t. Well, as we all know, time is relative.

I remember our high school days when we used to be the Tambay Lords of the Girls Quadrangle. We were practically the innocent preys in one corner of the unchartered land of high school girl predators waiting to be stripped and mauled to death. (As we would like to believe so ;p)

Anyways, do you still remember the “LIBOGirls”?
That hot sexy fashionista all-girl group wearing push-up bras composed of K, L, J, S, R, M and some others whom I already forgotten the names.

Crush pa nga ni B si L nu’n e. Tapos si R crush si P. Hahaha. Tapos tinatawagan n’yo pa sa telepono si K pretending to be L habang nakatambay tayo sa bahay nina M. Tapos may sasabihin kayong kalokohan tapos bigla na lang ibababa ‘yung telepono tapos magtatawanan. Tapos tatawag ulit. Ang tanga naman nito ni K, sasagutin naman. Hahaha.

I don’t know what happened to those LIBOGirls.

Perhaps, they are now in Philippine movies and television showing skin.

Perhaps, they are the NOT SO SIKAT young child stars then, SIKAT stripper teeners today, LAOS actresses of tomorrow.

Perhaps, they are now the calendar girls wearing swimsuits, ironically not selling swimsuits or beach products, but (without any connection whatsoever to what they are wearing) are actually endorsing alcohols and spirits.

Perhaps, they are now the magazine cover girls wearing skimpy outfits as if Flavor-of-the-Month ice creams.

Perhaps, they are now the print, TV and movie sexual objects of desire being pimped by different corporate business citizens to generate money.

True to their name, they are the “LIBOGirls” capitalizing on every Filipino man’s LIBOG in exchange for more LIBO in their bank accounts.

Ingats!

The Machine

When I Die...

Standing in front of heaven’s gates on my judgment day, I know…

I won’t be examined by the grades that I got in elementary, high school or college.

I won’t be appraised based on my work performance or salary.

I won’t be assessed by the make, model or year of the car I drove.

I won’t be measured for my height, weight or skin color.

I won’t be estimated for the value of the house where I lived.

I won’t be priced for the amount of my savings, stocks or investments.

I won’t be inspected for tattoos, piercing or possible prostate cancer.

I won’t be considered based upon my job title.

I won’t be compared with my siblings, classmates, friends or officemates.

I won’t be dwelled on the places I’ve traveled.

I won’t be pondered upon by the price of my iPod, cell phone, PSP or notebook.

I won’t be deliberated by the quality and quantity of my friends.

I won’t be asked to choose and vote among the least crooked politicians.

I won’t be procrastinated and corrupted by the crippling system and culture.

I won’t be blinded by close-mindedness and conventional way of thinking.

I won’t be surveyed for the mistakes which I’ve committed.

I won’t be scrutinized for the choices that I’ve made.

I won’t be stared at for the brand of the clothes I wore.

I won’t be evaluated based on my popularity, wealth or power.

Do you know how will I be measured?

POGI POINTS x NUMBER OF CHICKS x NUMBER OF DO’S = TOTAL POGI POINTS

wehehe

Whose Ass are You Kissin'?

DISCLAIMER: The following compilation of different asses filed through in-depth researches, observations, interviews and experiments are not in any way directed towards any person or group of persons in particular. Any similarities between this text and the actual person’s buttocks are purely coincidental. If your butt falls in any of the categories below, you know we’re watching those booties.

Low Butt – (Parang cell phone lang.) This type of saggy butt resembles that of a half-filled water balloon being held on its top end. Even Newton’s Law of Gravity cannot explain the reason for this misfortunate anomaly. Whether the reason for this pitiful state is endless use or lack of proper hydration, we do not care.

Duck Tail – The opposite of low butt. Women with this type of butt are child-friendly and are most likely to be pre-school teachers, pediatricians, lady dentists, neonatal nurses, pedophiles and 30-year old virgins. They have the inborn talent to talk immaturely in baby dialect with matching funny face and pearly white smiles. The children in turn are attracted to them due to their ability to effortlessly imitate famous characters such as Daisy Duck, Jollibee, Snow White, and Hidden Kho-mera.

Behind the Back – is actually in front. Some women are really super-extraterrestrial beings from UrAnus with the superpower to grow their butt in front – the exact location is the wide visible area below their belly button and just above their bikini line. There is an ongoing study to once and for all come into resolution whether pregnancy is related to this abnormal growth or just plain mutation as a result of excess calorie intake.

Buttwoman – Speaking of superpower, a Buttwoman has no superpower just like her male counterpart Batman. But like Bruce Wayne, these women have tons of cash and all the time in the world to submit their butts either through multiple surgeries or eternal gym sessions. Famous Hollywood stars vying for this action-packed role include Jennifer Lopez, Jessica Biel, Scarlett Johannson and Mariah Carey. While in the local scene, anti-piracy advocate producers are contemplating to – once again and for the nth time – copy a foreign movie and create a local version; are eyeing for this coveted role the likes of Angel Locsin, Ehra Madrigal, Diana Zubiri and Piolo Pascual for the movie entitled “Wetpacker”.

Your Boss’s Ass – As long as you’ve committed yourself to the unending world of corporate tyrannical cycle, you would always have to kiss your boss’s ass. Day in and day out, you, as an unknowing employee, work your ass out hard at the mercy of your unknown stockholders who in turn are busy keeping their own ass warm in spas, clubs, resorts and golf courses.

Con-Ass – Need I say more? Watch news you moron. Get involved you apathetic individual.